My Soul Is Satisfied (The Langston Family Saga Book 3) Read online

  "What's that all about?" Kristina whispered to Esther.

  The older woman watched both the nurses across from them through narrowed eyes. "Good question."

  Esther raised her voice and waved at the nurses. "Excuse me, ma'am? Is there a problem?"

  The older nurse came to the desk, a somber look on her face.

  "I'm sorry for the confusion. I'm not sure how to explain this but…” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “Three young women were brought in from the bus. We’ve not yet been able to locate proper identification. Authorities at the scene are trying to recover any identifying items as we speak. All three women are of a similar height, hair color and skin tone.” She looked at Kristina. “Do you know what you sister was wearing, by any chance?”

  Kristina tried her best to recall the moment she said goodbye to Tamia and Xavier, but for some reason, everything but their faces was a blur.

  “I don’t.”

  The woman’s shoulders dropped and she gave Esther a meaningful look.

  "What?" Kristina looked at both women.

  Esther put her hand on Kristina's back. "What she's saying is, they don't know who's who."

  “Having no way of identifying which woman is your sister, well, it complicates things.”

  “I know every single person on that bus. You don't have to wait for police. I can clear this up now."

  The nurse cleared her throat and exchanged looks with Esther again. "Miss Langston…" Kristina couldn't help but notice the nurse doing her level best not to make eye contact.

  "Just take me to them. I can—“

  "How many survived?" Kristina's head snapped in Esther's direction.

  Before she could wonder why she’d ask such a thing, the nurse answered.

  "One died at the scene. The other, shortly after arrival."

  Chapter 3

  Kristina felt her whole body go numb. She knew there'd been casualties, but she kept telling herself they were passengers from the other cars. She gripped the edge of the counter to steady herself. Esther came closer and drew her arm around Kristina's waist, as she addressed the nurse.

  "And the third young woman?"

  "In surgery."

  Esther tapped on the counter with her index finger, then turned to Kristina. "You could wait for her to get out of surgery—“

  "What if she's already in the morgue?” Kristina's voice broke.

  Esther gripped her shoulders. "What if she's not?"

  Kristina knew there was only a one in three chance her sister was still breathing. She’d already spent the last two and a half hours waiting and hoping and praying her loved ones had survived. Now she knew at least two of them hadn't. She wasn't sure she could wait another minute to learn which two they were.

  "How long? How long until she's out of surgery?"

  The nurse shrugged. "The damage was extensive. Another three hours, at least.”

  Kristina closed her eyes and shook her head. "I can't wait that long." She looked at Esther and tried to keep the panic out of her voice. "I can't. I can't."

  "That would mean having to identify the other bodies, Kristina. Are you sure you want to do that?"

  What choice did she have?

  "I do."

  The nurse moved to come from behind the desk, but Esther put her hand up to stop her. She led Kristina a few steps away from the station and lowered her voice to a whisper.

  "I've seen accident victims, Kristina." She raised Kristina's chin so she could look her in the eye. "The images stick with you. Even when they’re strangers. But we’re talking about people you love and work with. Maybe even your own sister. This is the kind of thing that could jeopardize your recovery. The situation is stressful enough. There's no reason to add to it. Maybe Pam—“

  "Pam won’t be here for another four hours."

  Esther turned back to the nurse. "Do you know whether any family members have arrived?”

  “I don’t.”

  “I’m not sure how many even know,” Kristina said, the reality dawning on her just as she said it. “And even if they did, they wouldn't be here yet. Most of the dancers and musicians were from LA or New York. Their families don’t have access to a private plane like I did. They’d have to get tickets and wait for the flight.”

  A thought occurred to Kristina and she addressed the nurse. “You can't even notify families until they’re identified, can you?"

  "No," the nurse said. "We can't."

  Kristina imagined that most of the families had heard about the accident, but what if there were some that hadn’t? And the ones that did know were probably trying to get answers as frantically as she had. She looked at the nurse.

  “I’ll need a few minutes. But then, I want you to take me to them.”

  As Kristina made her way down the hall and toward the doors labeled MORGUE, she thanked God for the two women walking beside her. Esther held her arm on one side and Robin gripped her waist from the other. Omar had offered to come, but after a short prayer session with the women, she knew they were the spiritual warriors she needed by her side.

  I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me…

  Kristina rolled the words over and over in her mind. Even as she was brought into the viewing room, even as a covered gurney was rolled to a stop in front of the glass, even as she felt like her knees were about to give away.

  I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me…

  "Whenever you're ready," the nurse said.

  Kristina tried to say she was, but her mouth was so dry, her tongue wouldn't separate from her palate. So instead, she nodded. She held her breath and felt the two women beside her come closer.

  The nurse gave a signal to the scrub-clad man that brought the gurney out. As he reached for the sheet that covered the body, Kristina felt herself sway. Heat flashed in waves throughout her frame and she felt the tips of her fingers, and then hands, tingle.

  There would be no relief, whoever was under the sheet. Her blood sister or not, it would still be family.

  When the attendant pulled back the sheet, Kristina clenched her jaw so hard, her teeth hurt. It was all she could do not to scream. Even with the gashes and swelling, Kristina instantly recognized the face. It was one of her dancers, Peanut.

  She’d gotten the nickname because of how tiny she was when she joined the group. She was the one who called Kristina every Tuesday like clockwork when she was in rehab. She’d become engaged to her longtime boyfriend over the Christmas holidays. She was only twenty-eight.

  Kristina could feel everyone watching her. Waiting.

  "Kerry Palmer. Inglewood, California."

  Her voice was barely a whisper as she gave the contact information, but somehow the nurse heard and scribbled the details on her pad. When she was finished, she held up two fingers to the attendant. He nodded, covered Kerry and rolled her body out of the room.

  Despite the sound of blood rushing in her ears, Kristina heard Esther praying quietly. Robin gave her a squeeze.

  "You don't have to do it again. We can wait for Pam."

  Wait for Pam. It's what Kristina had always done. It was always Pam who had to see the tragedy, keep the secrets, clean up the mess.

  Kristina knew she could leave it to Pam and Pam would identify every body pulled from the bus, without hesitation. Because that's what she always did. She handled it. And Pam handled it because she could. That's what Kristina always thought. It wasn't until recently she learned that Pam couldn't handle it. At least, not all the time and not all on her own. And that was when she turned to alcohol.

  Pam was already struggling with the situation. That much was clear when she spoke to her on the phone earlier. No. For once, Kristina was going to take the hard part. She’d do it for Pam and for Tamia and for the family of musicians and singers and dancers that had always had her back. More than once, they’d each taken care of her. Now she’d do the same for them.

  Kristina squared her shoulders and cleared her thr
oat. "I'm ready."

  At least, that's what she thought.

  The attendant brought out a second gurney. But instead of uncovering it, he watched the nurse. She came to Kristina.

  "Now, we’re going to only uncover her face partially, okay?"

  "Why?"

  The nurse hesitated. "This was an incredibly violent accident. In such cases, the body can sustain great injury. Things happen that you wouldn't want to see.”

  "Like what?"

  Esther tugged at Kristina's arm. "Kristina.”

  "I want to know. Just tell me what happened to her.”

  The nurse looked down at her notepad, as if to buy herself a few moments before having to answer.

  “According to rescue workers, her body was recovered from the part of the bus that sustained the initial impact. She wasn’t wearing any restraints and you have to understand that when something like this happens…”

  As she spoke, the nurse absentmindedly put her hand to her throat and ran her fingers across it. It was a reflex. Something she probably wasn't even aware she was doing. But it immediately brought to mind what the paparazzi had said outside the hospital.

  “One of the men—“ Kristina shuddered at the memory of the look of glee on the man’s face. He seemed excited to be the first to give her the news and record her reaction. “One of the men outside said that my sister was…" Again, Kristina felt herself sway. She steadied herself. “He was trying to get confirmation that my sister was…" Kristina closed her eyes. "He said she was decapitated."

  The nurse took a step back and her arms dropped to her sides.

  "Lord Jesus, help us." Robin whispered.

  "Wait. Somebody told you that? But how? We haven't released any information!”

  "He said there was a source on the inside."

  The nurse looked down and then back at Kristina, Esther and Robin.

  "I am so, so sorry. I had no idea. The moment we leave here, I'll take care of this. We'll have all patients associated with the accident moved to a different area. I'll personally select the staff and we can make arrangements for your additional security.”

  “So it’s true?”

  Decapitated. The thought of her baby sister dying was horrific enough, but like that? It was almost more than she could take.

  "Show me. Please. Now."

  The nurse took a deep breath and exhaled. On her nod, the attendant pulled the sheet down to the young woman's chin.

  Kristina felt the room turn sideways.

  Two seconds later, everything went black.

  Chapter 4

  When Kristina opened her eyes, she was being held up by Esther and Robin.

  “Over here,” she heard the nurse say. Esther, Robin and the nurse supported Kristina and eased her into one of the chairs lined up against the wall. Robin got on her knees in front of Kristina and put her hands on either side of her face.

  "It's not Tamia. It's not Tamia, Kristina.”

  Kristina nodded. She knew that the moment she saw her. But it didn't make it any easier. Though it wasn't her sister that died so violently, it was still a beautiful young woman, full of life and promise. She was Tamia's best friend and Kristina's only other female backup singer.

  "Michelle Singleton." She said. "Queens, New York." Kristina doubled over and buried her face in her hands. "How am I going to tell Tamia? How am I going to tell her this?"

  Esther rubbed Kristina's back. "Don't worry about that now. When was the last time you slept?"

  Kristina didn't know. But it didn't matter. What difference would it make?

  "You should probably lie down. Even if it's for just a few minutes."

  "There's an empty bed she can use,” the nurse said.

  "I want to wait until Tamia gets out of surgery."

  "That may be what you want, but that's not what's gonna happen. You still have hours before that and before Pam gets here. You need to take a rest. Robin will stay with you. I’ll come give updates, if there are any."

  Robin took her hand into hers. ”Esther is right. Come on."

  Kristina stood, but took one last look as the attendant rolled Michelle’s body away.

  Sleep? Kristina knew that wasn’t what she needed. What she needed was to wake up. Wake up from the nightmare that had become her life.

  “Krissi?”

  For the first few seconds after Kristina opened her eyes, she was still in Atlanta and nothing bad had happened. But then she saw the stark white walls, the harsh lighting above her and remembered that she was lying in a hospital bed. She wanted more than anything to go back to the blissful unconsciousness where nothing had changed, but she sat up on her elbow to face Pam, standing next to the bed.

  “I’m sorry to wake you, but I thought you'd want to know. Tamia just came out of surgery. She's in her room but hasn't woken up yet. The nurse said the doctor will be ready to give us details on her condition in just a few minutes. Do you want to come?"

  “Of course. Is she okay?” Kristina said, getting out of the bed.

  “According to the nurse, the surgery went well.”

  Kristina let herself exhale. Maybe there’d be some good news today after all.

  When they got to Tamia's room, the doctor hadn't arrived yet. But the young man in scrubs, the same one who helped Kristina get past the paparazzi, was there. He had a Walkman clipped to his pants and earphones hooked around his neck. He kept pacing in front of Tamia's door and looking in, as if trying to decide whether to enter. When he turned and saw the sisters approaching, Pam tilted her head and pointed at him.

  "I know you. We met you at our mother's funeral, right?"

  "Yes, ma'am." There was a kindness about his eyes and warmth to his voice.

  Pam turned to Kristina. “This is one of Xavier’s brothers. They came to our table, remember?”

  Kristina smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. “Do you work here?"

  "Yes, ma'am. I'm a physical therapist. I actually," he turned and glanced into Tamia's room before continuing. "I'm off right now. But I thought I'd just hang around. You know, check in on her while we wait to hear about my brother."

  "I didn't realize you knew Tamia,” Pam said.

  He nodded and Kristina noticed a tinge of pink blush his cheeks.

  "Yeah. She's been back and forth to Texas a few times to visit my brother and we kinda got to know each other."

  Pam shot a glance over at Kristina. Kristina tried to hide her smile.

  "Well, thank you for checking in on her."

  "No problem. I’m Russell, by the way. Anything y’all need, let me know. I've been working here a while and have a lot of friends on staff. I may not be a doctor but, my friends are your friends."

  He looked in one last time on Tamia and waved goodbye before heading down the hall.

  Pam arched an eyebrow. ”Looks like baby sister has an admirer. And one with a flat top, no less.”

  Kristina chuckled as she watched him turn the corner. “Stop. He seems sweet.”

  “Are you Tamia Langston’s family?”

  The sisters turned to see an older gentleman in scrubs standing behind them.

  “Yes,” Pam said. “Are you Dr. Ackerman?”

  “I am.” He held his hand out toward some chairs along the wall. “If you’d like to sit, I can explain where we’re at with your sister and discuss options.”

  They did, exchanging looks as they went.

  “Options? We were under the impression the surgery went well.”

  Dr. Ackerman sat next to them. “Oh, it did. Better than expected, in fact. But that surgery was only the beginning.”

  “Wait,” Pam said. “Are you saying Tamia’s not out of the woods, yet?”

  “Well, there are always risks involved in surgery, especially a major one, such as your sister’s. We’ll be keeping an eye out for infection and such, but I think it’s safe to say she’s out of immediate danger.”

  Pam leaned back, one hand on her chest and the other on Kristina’s arm. �
�Thank God. You had me worried for a minute there.”

  “Don’t misunderstand. Yes, she made it out of the accident alive and that’s good news. Unfortunately, it’s not the only news.”

  Kristina stared straight ahead and Pam sat, hunched over, her head in her hands.

  “First Michelle, now this.” Kristina shook her head. “How is she going to come back from all of it?”

  Pam sat up and leaned her head back against the wall. “She’s tough. If she could survive growing up under Mahalia Langston, she can survive this.”

  Pam’s face was set hard as stone. Kristina knew that look. Pam was gearing up for a fight. She was preparing herself to get Tamia through this ordeal, come hell or high water.

  “It’s gonna be hard.”

  "Speaking of hard,” Pam rolled her head to face her sister. “Before Robin left, she told me what you had to do. Identifying Michelle and Kerry. Kristina, I am so sorry. I wish I’d been here. You shouldn't have had to do that on your own."

  "Don't be. I wasn’t on my own. I—”

  Before Kristina could finish her sentence, Esther came rushing down the hall toward them.

  "He's out of surgery. The doctor wants to talk to us."

  Kristina stood. "Good news or bad news?"

  "I don't know. We wanted to wait until everyone was there. But I didn’t like the look I saw on his face when he came out."

  "Mr. and Mrs. Morris…”

  The group was gathered in the private waiting room the hospital had made available to them. Besides Kristina and her family, there were the Morrises and Omar, along with his sisters. Not one of them made a sound as they waited for the young doctor to speak. His drawn face and grim demeanor made the tension in the room unbearable.

  "I'm sorry to inform you—“

  Before he could complete the sentence, Deacon wailed and dropped to his knees. His boys gathered around him, but he was inconsolable. Esther remained still. Kristina imagined that, like her, she was too stunned to do much else.

  Kristina had carried Xavier, not even for a full nine months, but she loved him with her life. Esther, on the other hand, had fed him, diapered him, and raised him to be the outstanding young man he’d become. If Kristina felt as numb and hollowed out as she did, she couldn’t even imagine what his adoptive mother was experiencing.